sábado, 27 de noviembre de 2010

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!


I LOVE CHRISTMAS!
CHRISTMAS IS THE BEST TIME OF YEAR!
I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance
That all sadness will perish!
That you will get what you want!
That no matter how bad things might be, it'll be better!
You'll eat, and you will get fat but you won't give a damm! (that's what counts right!?)
CHRISTMAS has no room for mistake, at least no in my book.
And yet Im scared out of my mind, hoping deep inside that day never comes.
Because Im afraid that all the love I had for it, went away the day she did.

domingo, 5 de septiembre de 2010

unnecessary brain exhaustion


You know what really scares me of death?
its not the fact that it'll be painful or that the ones around you will suffer,
what really scares me is "what happens when you cross over?"
Do we forget about everything we lived down here? Do we forget about those we loved?
Do we be become that superior or that much enlightened that all of the memories and moments on earth become meaningless to our existence? It scares me so much to think that the ones we loved and are gone now don't remember who we are or what we meant to them.
More than anything that they're unable to listen when we talk to them,
because there's nothing else out there, their presence is gone or more like it was never really there.
I don't think I¡ll ever know if they can listen.
Maybe it¡s up to us, we are the ones that make the decision. We decide whether we want to believe or not.
And that's what makes the difference. I mean I know I¡ll never forget, as long as I live of those who are
gone, but there is no certainty that they will forget about us the minute their mortal soul leaves this Earth.
And unless you turn into a suicidal on the quest of figuring out whether there is such a thing as "crossing over" or not
there's really no point.
Some will always think "once your'e gone you're gone" others will always think
"Once you're gone you're superior because your closer to God" (angel like theory)
Then there are those who think "your soul gets trapped on Earth and haunts them"
or "The reincarnation in some younger relative, it could be anyone actually" .
There should be a game named by it, "Where do we go ...?"
Maybe we do go to all of those places and it's up to us to decide where we stay.
After all there is still some human in all of us right? or not...? I hate thinking things that are way out of my league (brainwise)
... its just unnecessary brain exhaustion

miércoles, 30 de junio de 2010

The smashing of the meatbowls.



Once upon a time a young girl sat on her kitchen table with a pretty bad stomachache and some smashed meatballs in the garbage can, and this is her story…
Joanna was sitting in the kitchen making some coffee, when Marie arrived. she offered to help Joanna with the coffee so she went on and got rid of the old coffee bag , as she bent down to throw it in the garbage she noticed some smashed meatballs along with what at some point had been Joanna’s mom’s favorite bowl. Marie got back up again looked at Joanna who was still unaware of the situation and said “Why are those meatballs smashed in the garbage, and what’s your mom’s favorite bowl doing there?” Joanna looked up again, not bothered, and answered. “I smashed them” as she took two mugs out of a cabinet. Marie answered “What do you mean you smashed them, why?” Joanna placed the mugs carefully on the table and said “My mom just checked herself into the hospital …again” Marie: “What!? Why? What happened? And what does that have to do with the smashing of the meatballs?!” Joanna lifted her hand up her hand palm facing her face and showed it to Marie. Marie said “Oh My God what the hell happened?!What’s going on?” Joanna said “This, this is an anxiety attack!” Marie “An anxiety attack? It looks like they poured acid, and what does it have to do with your mom in the hospital, and the smashing of the meatballs!!?” Joanna “Well because that’s how it started, I scratched because I had an anxiety attack produced by the fact that I couldn’t go to the gym today , first because I wasn’t feeling good, then because my mom said she wanted to go, then I didn’t wan her to go, then I said I wasn’t going, then I regretted it and said I was going, and she said she was coming too, and then I said I don’t want you to come, and then she said, why? I wan to go I’m bored, and I said but I don’t want you to come today, and she said but I want to come TODAY so we argued I put my things down again and I said fine I’m not going, then I scratched it till it bled and it really hurt, then I put some of my medication and it hurt a little bit more, and then I took a shower and everything seemed fine , I was actually feeling a lot better as I stepped out of the shower, I was getting dressed, and then my mom called, and said she needed to talk to me, to which I replied I was getting dressed, then she called again, and I said again I’m getting dressed! . So I finished getting dressed and I went downstairs, and, I thought something was wrong by the tone of her voice, but you know I thought, she’d say something like; you made me feel so bad blah blah. I get downstairs and she says I’m checking myself into the hospital and I was like WHAT!? But for a minute I thought well she’s not feeling good (you know she’s kinda losing it again) and I thought cool she’ll be away for a few days she wont bother me, my aunt wont be around either, my dad will, but he doesn’t bother me, so cool, But then she said she was physically not feeling well, that her eyes were swollen and her throat was dry and, I don’t know she fucking said she was being poisoned, and that’s when I said FUCK IT! FUUUCK IT! She’s not fucking doing this again. So I got pissed off and went upstairs.” Marie “And that’s how the meatballs winded up there?” Joanna “No! I went upstairs because I was pissed off at her so I cried and cried and cried and cried and kept crying then my dad called and I didn’t answer and cried some more, and then my dad got home and he was freaking out, because he thought something had happened blah blah same old story, and I said nothing happened she’s fucking losing it again, and he said he heard something on the phone blah blah, and I said again nothing happened she’s imagining things (again!) so he took off and asked if I knew where she was, and I said I didn’t so he left, and I cried some more, and then I realized I was fucking hungry, so I came here and took a good look at the meatballs, tried half of one, then I got pissed off and I threw it away, then I took the first bowl poured like five meatballs, stared at the bowl, and then I smashed it to the ground, stared at it for a while, then I went out and looked for the broom which I couldn’t find and then got pissed off again then I swiped, then I took another bowl and poured five more meatballs, then I tried to eat them and again I couldn’t cause I was pissed off… again…” Marie interrupted “Why would you get pissed at the meatballs?” Joanna “Well I thought about it and I think because they represent my mom” Marie “WHAT!?” Joanna “They’re like my moms favorite meal so I think that everything I did to the meatballs was if I had done it to her” Marie “So you would have smashed your mom to the ground?” Joanna “Hell no! Just the meatballs, focus! All I’m saying is that I gave the meatballs that power I saw my mom on the meatballs and that’s why I smashed them” Marie “What about the third bowl?” Joanna “Oh those are the ones I ate” Marie “So you ate your mom, dude you just ate like all your anger, isn’t that gonna like kill your stomach or something?” Joanna “I know but I was hungry and for the record my stomach was already swollen up as soon as she mentioned the GOD DAMM HOSIPITAL!, besides I also had some salad and I did feel a lot better after the salad, and now I’ll have some coffee which is probably not good either but I don’t really give a dam” Marie “So what about your mom? How’s she doing?” Joanna “I don’t know she’s probably thinking someone is trying to kill her I don’t know she thinks a lot of crazy stuff when she loses it, so you have me.” Marie “You won’t go and see her?” Joanna “Dude! I just smashed the meatballs?” Marie “How many meatballs did you smash?” Joanna “I don’ know like ten?” Marie “You just wasted ten good meatballs in your anger attack?” Joanna “No! well yeah but if you think about it no one’s gonna eat the fucking meatballs anyway, and I did eat like four, so technically I did them a favor” Marie “You wasted ten perfectly healthy meatballs and a bowl” Joanna” it could have been the entire meatball case and the three bowls, I’d say they did pretty good giving the situation”
Marie poured the coffee took out the sugar and they both began to stir it as they walked away to the leaving room.

sábado, 5 de junio de 2010

"Drowning sorrows with Lemonade"


Once again we find Joanna, this time drowning her pain with lemonade. As her mom was hospitalized..Again. She suddenly found herself with a hole in her stomach. She went downstairs willing to make some herbal tea, you know, old remedies that somehow never fail. However as she was boiling up the water her eyes went straight to the Lemonade standing on the kitchen table, turned and noticed a half full glass of lemonade someone left behind. As the water was about to boil, she drank it up and felt relief. Refilled the glass and kept drinking knowingly that each sip that went by wouldn't do better than the one before. Still, there was something about that Lemonade which made her feel so much better, ignoring the continuously growing belly and a very itchy throat. Down went the entire jar, now resembling a six month pregnant belly she was still unable to stop. The taste of each sip was so sweet... Then... the phone rang! She had to get up. Someone had to pick up. Still in her hand a half full glass of lemonade Joanna refused to leave behind as her quest towards the phone began. She struggled as her legs lifted her away from the chair. The Lemonade paraded as every step of the stairs went by. Joanna reached the phone, just to hear her dad complain away, her breath was short, but so was her last glass of Lemonade. She hung up the phone and drunk it to the last drop. Tried to get up, but the Lemonade had been too much, it found its way back, and so a big pond fell on the floor, and somehow Joanna's stomach didn't hurt no more.